Notice how I haven’t posted Falling In Love Part II yet? I will. But how serendipitous that I haven’t because, well, I’m not perfect. Confused? You’ll see…
To be honest, I have wrestled in trying to post the last couple of weeks. What to say, where to begin, how to express all that has occurred in the last month, while addressing what I have on my heart now? All the while I have had this fear hanging over me. I named it a long time ago, it usually goes by “Perfection.” I don’t know if you’ve experienced this particular discouragement, but I will be honest- I strive for perfection, and fear imperfection. I am discouraged when I fail & don’t do well. Why? I could name a thousand reasons: I grew up the daughter of a minister? I’m afraid of falling short and being judged? I’m afraid that if someone figures out that I’m not perfect, I won’t be loved? I’m afraid of being found out to be…gasp, human? Finite? Imperfect. Call it silly, irrational, I call it honest. I think it’s necessary to identify and ponder these fears, especially with Jesus, because otherwise we can find our fears pushing us into the shadows, into hiding, and that, my friends, is not where we were intended to be.
So what does my fear of imperfection have to do with my inability to post? Well, from the beginning of my blog, I have always committed to using my .heart.cry. to point others to Jesus. To uplift, edify, challenge, & encourage as many people as possible with the same that I have received. If you haven’t noticed, this usually involves -a lot- of words, God gave me words. But lately, I haven’t had many words, and the ones I have are not ‘sophisticated’ or as well-thought out as I prefer, but simple, casual. I guess I have been afraid to change voices and give less than I want to. This may all seem like a bunch of nonsense, but it is better to be honest. Real.
So here I am reader, imperfect. But do you know what is right there with my imperfection, my failings? God’s grace. Filling every crack, piecing together every broken piece, wrapping me securely in the giving warmth of the arms of Jesus. His grace that covers you & me. See, that fear that can grip me so tightly at times, is my losing sight of the abundant grace that we receive through Jesus Christ. God-given grace. We’ve been “carried to the table, seated where [we] don’t belong” (Leeland), not because we are perfect or can remotely measure up, but because God loves us, passionately, desperately, deeply. So much so that He gave His ONLY Son, Jesus, to die for us, to pay the debt we could never pay because we are not perfect, we are not without sin and broken pieces. We had no hope, there was no way we could have a seat at the table, not with the muck that we were covered with. No matter how much we washed, it was still there. But Jesus, shedding His blood, paid the price and washed us clean…it is because of HIS righteousness, HIS perfection, that we are righteous in the eyes of God. In the theological world, we call that “imputed righteousness.” An instructor once explained it to my class similarly to “Jesus, shining in all of His glory, His righteousness, His perfection…this light, it reflects onto those who believe in Him, those who trust in His sacrifice for the forgiveness of their sins…like a piece of glass hanging in a window, shining the sun’s light through it and thus shining light onto the walls around it, so Jesus’s light shines upon men, making them like Him in the eyes of God.” Through Jesus, we received mercy (not getting what we deserve, i.e. death & eternity in hell) and grace (receiving what we do not deserve, i.e. salvation, sanctification, righteousness, eternity in heaven, all God is in a personal relationship with Him, and so much more!).
Grace. Let us not lose sight of the GRACE that we have been saved by. Let us not fail to impart it to those around us. Let us rather, “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” (Hebrews 12:2-3).
Titus 3:3-7 “At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.”
There is considerably more that I could write over much of what has already been written, but with these scattered thoughts I’ll close for now…and possibly get another post out…
May you fix your eyes on Jesus today, may He be your focus and love. May you fall more deeply in love with Him, surrendering your fears & insecurities and allowing Him to cover you, love you, and draw you ever closer to Himself.
Lord, have Your way.